the Modern Woman's Toolkit

I can’t tell you how many women I work with, whether it’s individually or in groups, that relate with the question of: Who Do You Think You Are?

Typically I hear it come up when we’ve just uncovered a secret heart’s desire or dream that they’ve pushed aside from long ago.

Can you relate with the question? Have you ever begin to visualize doing something you’ve always desired and then get stopped in your tracks by that inner voice telling you that you’re an imposter and crazy to even think that?

Or maybe you’ve thought about doing something that you’ve always dreamed of but then worry about what Sally or Sue would think if you attempted it.

We all have internal barriers within us that stop us from doing what we really desire. These internal barriers are simply old programming that we’ve taken on as truth. And unless we recognize the voice(s) for what they truly are (our self-sabotager), we are going to believe them and operate at a small fraction of our potential.

Here’s some soul work for this week: Think about a deep heart’s desire - something that you daydream about doing whether personally or professionally. Get it in your mind’s eye and really think about it happening for you.

What thoughts and feelings come up when you think about it? Do you believe that you could really achieve that type of desire, or do you simply put it off as a pipe dream and something that needs to stay a dream?

Tune-in to your thoughts and feelings about that desire - and then read one of my favorite excerpts below that gives you some real, truthful insight into those heart desires.

I’ve modified the verbiage a bit as to relate with various readers’ spiritual beliefs:

Already in your past life from time to time, The Divine has whispered in your heart just that very wonderful thing, whatever it is, that The Divine is wishing you to be, and to do, and to have. And that wonderful thing is nothing less than what is called Your Heart’s Desire. Nothing less than that. The most secret, sacred wish that lies deep down at the bottom of your heart, the wonderful thing that you hardly dare to look at, or to think about - the thing that you would rather die than anyone else know of, because it seems to be so far beyond anything that you are, or have at the present time, that you fear that you would be cruelly ridiculed if the mere thought of it were known - that is just the very thing that The Divine is wishing you to do or be. And the birth of that marvelous wish in your soul - the dawning of that secret dream - was the Voice of The Divine telling you to arise and come up higher because The Divine had need of you. ~ Emmet Fox

Have a great week and let me know who you think you are!

Last week’s newsletter caused quite a stir as I received emails from women who have, and do, struggle with the question of: Who Do You Think You Are?

The question can have multiple roots for each of us. One common root is the whole concept of The Imposter Syndrome. Feeling like an imposter is the feeling of being secretly afraid that if we step into the light and show our gifts and talents, that others are going to find out that we have no idea what we’re doing and that we’re really not that competent.

We fear that people are going to be thinking - “How Dare She”, if we do take the big, bold, step into the light. This fear of being “found out” or ridiculed makes us recoil in horror and back away from pursuing anything out of our comfort zones.

I remember when I first started my coaching practice - I was terrified of being “found out” and that other coaches were better and more competent than me. How did I deal with it? In all honesty, I simply put my blinders on and did it anyway. Was I afraid? Of course. Do I still deal with the imposter syndrome now as I go to new levels? Absolutely. Will this be something I’ll always have to deal with? God, I hope so!

I say that I hope so because I’ve learned to change my perspective on how I view the imposter syndrome. I choose to look at it as a tremendous gift. A gift that allows me to continue to unmask and let others see the real me - the me that is whole - that has lots of flaws and weaknesses as well as tremendous gifts and talents.

By allowing our realness to show we - 1) take the pressure off having to be “perfect” and 2) it allows others to see that our realness is what makes us so relatable and others can learn that we were afraid and still did it anyway - in-turn, allowing them to do the same.

Here’s something to consider this week:

What area of your life are you getting in your own way or holding yourself back because you feel like an imposter? For example, have you always wanted to launch your own business and aren’t taking the steps necessary because you don’t feel good enough or ready yet? Or are you not taking action that will take you to the next level in your current business because you are afraid of what others in your industry may think?

Let me know what you come up with this week and if the imposter feeling resonates!

Do you remember the skit Saturday Night Live has done on Debbie Downer? The woman who is known to be a complete kill-joy and reminds everyone that she comes in contact with her all that is wrong with the world and in life in general?

The skits are absolutely hilarious and SNL does a great job at depicting what I’m sure you can relate to even in your own life with someone you may know.

You may also recognize at certain times your own Debbie Downer within you. You’ll recognize her when you hear things like: “What if you try it and you fail?” “What if people don’t think you have anything important to say?” And the classic of them all: “Why bother, it’s not going to matter anyway.”

She usually rears her little head to create doubt when we’re going after a goal that is real important to us and we’re excited about.

Many of the books you’d read on the market today would tell you that this Debbie Downer within is your ego. That is partially true. The ego gets a bad rap now-a-days. Your ego is actually your personality. It what makes you, you. It’s not the part of you that you want to take guidance from necessarily but it does animate your actions and gives you the light to express yourself in your own unique way.

Your wounded ego on the other hand, is the little Debbie Downer inside you. A part of you which is scared, small, and simply wants to protect you from getting hurt or making mistakes. Without getting into all the reasons why we have a wounded part of us, the important thing to know is that it exists and it simply needs to be acknowledged.

Often I’ll hear clients refer to their Debbie Downer to be the “Why bother?” voice. “Why bother working-out it’s not going to make a difference anyway.” “Why bother starting that side-project, it will most likely fail in this economy anyway”. You get the picture.

So what to do when you hear that “why bother” voice? Acknowledge her, thank her for the protection and then follow your heart and do it anyway.

Here’s some soul work for this week: Think of a goal or project that you get chills when you think about manifesting and bringing forth into your life. Maybe it’s a weight loss goal and you know how good you’d feel once you accomplished it. Or, maybe it’s a work goal - to get a certain number of new clients this month.

Whatever the goal, notice the excitement that builds up in your heart when you think of accomplishing it. Then, pay attention for any of the Debbie Downer voices that crop up. If it helps write them out and recognize them for what they are. “Ahhh, that’s just Debbie trying to protect me and make excuses for why this won’t work”.

Then, tune-into your heart again and listen to your desire and answer for yourself what your true desire is. Then, imagine if you did bother (working-out, getting new clients, etc.), what would happen. Let me know how this exercise goes. I’d love to hear all the reasons why bothering would make a tremendous difference.

Have a great week!

It always amazes me as I walk on my own journey, and walk with clients on theirs, how the process of listening to our hearts can be not only blissful but un-nerving. 

When we follow our hearts, we know deep down that the change is good and something that our heart desires, yet we have to go through a process of de-shedding to get to the other side.   

Take for example my own de-shedding that I’m experiencing right now.  I’m completely surrounded by U-Haul boxes as I write this article.  To give you some perspective, my office has turned into a chair with the floor as my desk.  Needless to say I’m down to the bare bones. 

Not only am I feeling un-nerved logistically as I move from one home to the next, but I feel un-nerved, and out-of-sorts, as I move from one identity to the next. 

This time in my life is interesting as I know a new level of my life and work await.  I’m moving closer to the ocean and am simplifying my life as I move out of the home that represents the “old” me.  

I’m finding myself ridding of things that are very city-like to take on new items that represent more of my authenticity - which is alot more country and down-home.  

Lots of shedding is taking place internally as well. Is it pretty?  Um, not so much.  Fun?  Honestly, I’d rather go to the gyno.  Yet I know it’s all going to get me to the other side but I need to experience the death of the old in order to get the new.  

I know where I am on this path because it’s something that I walk clients through all the time.  Think of it as a de-shedding where you’ve been given a paintbrush and a white room to paint a picture for the rest of your life.  You have an opportunity to paint whatever you want but a part wants to go back to the part that you know - even if it’s limiting and completely wrong. 

If you find yourself at a point of change, or considering one, my first suggestion is to formulate some support beams around you. Rally a team of people who support you and believe in you following your heart. 

Many folks don’t have such a team and this is the reason why I’m re-launching The Modern Woman’s Soul Retreat which is an 8-week group coaching program designed to help you get out of your own way and go after what you want by providing lots of support and tools. 

If you’re interested in learning more about the Retreat please email me directly at brenda@modernwomanstoolkit.com.  I was hoping to have the webpage link done but with all these personal changes, well you know how that can be.  I will have a link next week so stay tuned.

In the meantime, this week tune-in to your heart and intutiion  to determine where you are on the path. Are you craving change?  Why?  Are you looking at new career options or being forced to make personal changes because of someone else’s actions?    

Listen closely to your heart for the intuition to determine what’s next and don’t worry if a whole lot of shedding begins to take place - it’s normal and healthy and one step closer to the pot of gold.